Vegas, Baby!

Happy Pride Month, first off. ‘murica is a rabid hyena, frothin’ at the mouth, deranged supervillain right now but hey…at least we still have shitty beer. Wheee!!!

I am off to Las Vegas right after my birthday, later this month. A friend of mine said, hey, let’s meet in Vegas. I took all of two seconds before agreeing, yes, let’s meet in Vegas. Staying at Caesar’s, found my carry-on, planning on just buying some post cards. Have not been back to Sin City since can’t remember when.

Gonna be a hoot!

My garden is doing well. I have squash sprouting and a lot of flowers. I planted some ground cover to combat the relentless weeds. The mint is taking over!

A hummingbird has been visiting. I put out a feeder, with sugar water, as preached by those who feed hummingbirds. Do not color the water. Do not use anything but one part sugar to about four parts water.

And change this water about every three days or so. Otherwise the mini birds can get sick. Yikes.

I’ve been working at the middle school there in Payette since I could return to work after breaking my arm. Have no wish to ever return. I guess it didn’t help that my arm hurt all the time, I felt crappy and walking into a school four weeks before the school year ended was insane, crazy and idiotic. Anyway…

Had to say goodbye to Molly, our Chocolate lab. She lost a lot of weight rapidly, went blind, could barely walk and just lost her zest for life. I took her to the vet, told her what a good girl she was and watched her go wherever good dogs go after their heart stops. She didn’t struggle or try to bite the vet. She didn’t struggle when carried inside the clinic. Molly was not Molly anymore. She kept wanting to go outside and could barely walk around the yard and after a while, she just lay down near the outside water bucket, her tail moving back and forth when anyone went out to see where she was.

Oh my gravy, do I miss her.

Dogs break your heart. They just break it into ugly, infectious pieces that never quite heal.



Cheeky’s wheel can be heard. The hamster wheel goes round and round. I listen in real amazement, the bottle of aspirin clutched in my hand. Something loves me. Something loves me. My mother squeezed my hamster to death the last time they allowed her custody of me. This is my second foster home in a month. The courts might let my mom try again with me. It’s different this time, I’m told. Cheeky’s worried about his girl. Cheeky loves me. No tears left. I put the bottle down and try to sleep, the sound of that wheel like a lullaby.


had the wrist surgery.

pain is my new normal.

rainy, trying to flood here.

hope i can get my rt hand back soon.

planted a sprouting onion i found under the sink.

woke up screaming from wrist repair. had to have blocker redone. so embarrassing. i hate being this helpless and useless. i overdo it and hurt my arm further. dang.

Spotted Horse

Here’s a short story I never had any luck placing. I’m gonna share it here. I should probably try a hundred more times, rewrite it several thousand more times and so forth, so on and yeah, yeah. Mm.

The pic is an old-timey postcard of main street Payette, Idaho. Hint, the story to follow is ALSO set in Payette, Idaho.



   Ginger poured me a stiff one. Long Island Iced Tea but she adds a pinch or so of belladonna, some morning glory seeds, a bit of nutmeg, some datura. I fly a bit, but just enough not to get sloppy, sentimental or too murderous. I’m a goddess, after all. A long-forgotten, exiled goddess but still. She placed this in front of me, her bare arms muscled as a pugilist’s. Nobody messes much with Ginger when she’s at the helm of the Spotted Horse. This ghost can throw a fully grown rhino through a wall when she wants. They don’t make em like Ginger anymore, it’s true. Those hardy pioneer type women were far and few between, despite the myths and romantic hoopla.

     “How many boys has he found?” Ginger kept her back to me as she washed bar glasses, her reddish hair in a tight bun at the base of her head. Our eyes went to the badly done Appaloosa water color, created by Tom Smith himself when very drunk. Spot, the horse, had still been alive, as had Tom, a half-Shoshone and half-Shanty Irish human misfit. Ole Spot had won the Vale Suicide Race three times. It was the fourth time that killed both him and Tom. Stuck a hoof down a gopher hole, went ass over teacup, as they say in places that are not Idaho. Or Oregon.

     Tom, busted up and broken for good, crawled over to his beloved horse, slit the throat to end the suffering. He also lay there by his dead horse for a long time as everyone thought him just grieving, not dying as well. Nobody much cared Tom lay there dying all that time people were enjoying the rodeo.

     That’s how things are and people don’t change. People have not improved in my thousands of years of life. Not one fucking bit.

     “Can’t say and he won’t admit to how many boys there are,” I slurped down my drink, mostly because it annoyed Ginger. Her face twitched but she did not tell me to stop making noises that drove her into near fits.

     The bar had maybe four or five of our kind there. A slow night but it was Thursday. Velma and her sister, Sadie, enjoyed a basket of onion rings and raw liver strips. Ghouls did like their liver. Both lived locally and foraged where they could. That we had a small colony of ghouls here in Payette, Idaho escaped most, as they had learned to hide in plain sight or just plain hide. They were nearly the perfect monster, without any horns or fangs or long claws–just that unnatural strength, the lust for flesh in all ways and the ability to look like little old ladies enjoying a night out. They kept to themselves. Introverts with the social graces of a malcontent most times.

     Barry and Craig played pool but they always did. They’d waft in from their wandering, drink beer, play pool, go away for years sometimes, return as if they’d just been here yesterday. They’d fought the Nez Perce back in the day. Barry kept claiming a squaw with glowing eyes cursed him and Craig. Could have been a Nez Perce woman or a Shoshone or a Paiute. The curse would end when the sun burned out. Meantime, the two would wander the backways of Western Idaho and Eastern Oregon, never find any peace or rest. Except when they stopped at places like the Spotted Horse or met up with others that were not living yet still seemed stuck here.

      Just a mean, awful curse and nothing I could do about it. I could rip out guts and twist a head off, but reverse a curse like that, no. If some Idaho witch, enraged and crushed by the US army’s rampage over her own people back in the day, had managed to pull off such a malison, it was not my place to end it. 

     Mr. Harvey sat at the very end of the bar, fingering his lucky pennies. His shy gaze flitted to me, before he blushed, went back to fingering his copper rounds. Back in the 1920’s, he had casually killed his mother while she bathed herself after a long day looking after her adult son, who lived with her while working at a local bank.

     To celebrate his freedom from his awful mama, he had tried to fry himself a steak.

     All while he took a nap, exhausted after butchering his dam out like a fall pig. The steak caught fire, the house caught fire, Mr. David Harvey never woke up but he did form into a shy, sad ghost who appeared now and then at the Spotted Horse for a beer and a hopeful wish that someone would be nice to him.

     The woman who walked into the bar just now had to be human.

     Her hair had been cut short, but an expensive short that framed her triangle face in sun-streaked pale brown spikes. She carried a big, expensive Prada bag and had the air of a douche bag trying to pretend it did not squirt vinegar up your hoo ha.

     “I’m looking for a woman called Pearl? I’m a travel writer. Road trips. Unusual, out of the way places, places off the grid, off the map. I write books. I can pay,” her voice said far too loudly.

     Heads turned a bit.

     My head turned toward her a bit.

     Her eyes went to the badly done watercolor of Spot the horse, framed with sticks tied together to form a square. Ginger sighed visibly. What had she done to deserve some weird random human who managed to find this place? Humans seldom bothered the remnants, the flotsam of curses, murders and forgetfulness.

     People had once offered me goat’s blood and child hearts for spring planting luck. Nowadays I just called myself Pearl and got spiffy on belladonna when bored with how long eternity really is.

     “I’m Pearl,” I said, when no one said anything and the woman seated herself a seat down from me. Her tanned face lit up, her very blue eyes scanned me in a professional manner. She was doing her job. She meant to have a great night tickling stories out of the dusty locals. She probably had a nice hotel room rented in Boise. She probably thought there was nowhere around to get good sushi. I hated her, I knew her. My amusement with her lasted ten seconds, replaced with resigned boredom. “Whatcha want, hon?”

     Her face twitched at being addressed as if three instead of thirty or whatever age she pretended to be. Careful or she’d have to visit a surgeon to refresh that face or perhaps she embraced aging as a hip activity to add to her resume.

     “Drink?” Ginger placed her two hands on the counter, that rough hewn face thrust forward.

     “A beer, whatever’s on tap is fine.” The blue eyes went to the Keystone, Black Hen and Poison Toad, before returning to Ginger. “Black Hen?”

     This particular beer was not really a beer, more a tonic with a sour ale smell. It also contained poisons, bits of marrow from my own special hens and dirt Tom brought back under his fingernails. I made it once a year, the Spotted Horse offered it until they ran out.

I’d given it to one human who had managed to stumble through the front door. He had both exploded and melted. Ginger still complained about the mess.

     “No,” I said at once, as Ginger blew out air in real relief. “Get her a Bud. That local stuff is just for locals. Why are you looking for me, hon?”

     Why play games? Let’s get this over with and the woman sent screaming out into the night or perhaps turned into just another missing person that would fade from memory sooner than later. 

     “Ah, yes, thanks! A Bud.  Hi, Pearl, I’m Jen Reece, from Dives and Diners. I write for them. Travel books, a travel blog, we have a podcast…never mind. I mostly do out of the way places, dive bars, biker bars, places like the Spotted Horse. I was dared to find this place. I was up there in Miner’s Hole, in Stanley? That’s a rough place, but great people, really interesting sort of folks. A lot of guns. The bartender did some quick draw for me out in the parking lot. She shot a tree. Said she was ready for Jesus to come back and bears. That was her joke. I guess. She said it was but she seemed serious. Anyway! I was told this story by someone who wants to get into the Citadel. I had to look that up. I want to ask why you’d want to live in a walled compound. What are you so afraid of? Might make a trip back up there, a return to Miner’s Hole!”

     She took a breath.

     I tried to remember even a sentence of what she had just babbled at me.

     “That Bud looks cold, gonna be yummy. Anyway– James, no last name, that sort of person.  He told me a story about this mysterious dive bar said to be somewhere near Payette, Idaho. Full of monsters and ghosts and werewolves and vampires. I had to check it out, you know? The Spotted Horse, he called it.”

     Jen accepted the glass of Budweiser, with the thick white froth. Ginger went back to washing bar glasses, just so she could hear what nonsense was about to spew forth.

     Our lives tended to be routine and stale as old crackers.

     Except tonight we were expecting ole Tom to ride through, with whatever boy he had managed to find. He used to kill young orphan boys to spare them his childhood miseries. A philanthropic mass murderer. Tom had a good heart in him, despite his solutions to a real problem being a bit kerflooey. Judgment had been reached that he find the lost boys, bring them to the meeting place for lost souls over by Hells Canyon. He’d been riding the night for almost sixty years now.

     “Here? About this Spotted Horse? Our little place?” Mr. Harvey dared ask and we all just looked at him. He went back to his pennies, submissive as a beat dog.

     “Ain’t the Miner’s Hole that Aryan Nations bar or somethin’? You gotta flash em one of those funny fist bumps to get in the door? You should be careful. They’re crazy.” Ginger kept her face neutral. “You gonna order any food? We got a great burger.”

     “Um. I could, sure. A cheeseburger, medium, with fries.” Jen Reece fished her wallet out of her fancy bag, produced a crisp twenty. Ginger grunted, began a tab, told Horace to cook a burger but Horace had already heard. “I did find a lot of…Idaho nationals.” Her eyes darted about but no one seemed disgruntled or ready to shoot her so she relaxed a bit, her perfume floral and light.

     “Of course you did, they breed like rabbits,” I replied, slurping more enhanced Long Island Iced Tea. “Why are you looking for me?”

     “Look. I run down stories about bars and places. That’s my job. I write up what I find. I try to make the place seem okay to visit. Not the bar in Stanley, obviously, can’t recommend tourists go there. And it’s set way back, on a dirt road and you can’t get there in winter but I can still include it.” Jen turned toward me fully, palms up on the bar counter, friendly as a puppy, slippery as a newly skinned carcass. “Hey, Pearl, I just heard that there’s this bar in Payette, Idaho that serves ghosts and witches, and that a goddess drinks there on occasion. That it’s a bar everyone’s heard of but no one can find on a map or by GPS.” She smiled, let her gaze mark the few inhabitants. “I heard about the ghost of this rodeo rider who shows up now and then looking for his horse? Is it that horse? An Appaloosa? Is that right?”

     She gave off just the right vibes. Friendly but respectful. Honest yet hiding shit.

     “You from California?” I leaned toward her, my long earrings swinging and swaying.

     Jen wet her lips, took a gulp of beer. The sound of her burger frying seemed far too loud.

     “I’m from a lot of places but yes, California. That the horse? Of the rodeo ghost?”

     “Sure is,” Ginger said, taking the second and last gin and bitters to Mr. Harvey. “Painted by Tom Smith himself. Spot. Won three Suicide races, lost the fourth one by breaking a leg and dying from Tom cutting his throat.”

     “Good grief, really? They don’t still run that, do they?”

     “Of course they still run it. It’s the best part of the Vale Rodeo. That’s over on the Oregon side of things,” I answered as the two ghouls whispered back and forth, upset to have a human so near, knowing they’d have to restrain in these wicked modern times. People that went missing got missed far faster than olden days, after all. This Jen Reece seemed like she had people who might bother to look for her. The ghouls knew how to pick their victims. Jen Reece would not end up with her liver shared by the two sisters. Or maybe she would.

     It might become an interesting night.

     “Oh. Sure. So, if anyone has a ghost story they wish to tell me, I’ll pay. I’ll credit your name or not, if you don’t want that known. Here,” she fished out a slick book with shiny covers, flashing it before us like a prize won from a carnival booth. “I’m doing an Old West ghost tales and myths, told by everyday…um, people. I got plans to go to Baker City, to Unity, to La Grande and Pendleton and Burns. Just all over this area, collect some stories, put together a book, feature local places in the best light, of course.”

     I flipped through Blood on the Walls and Sawdust on the Floors, a Journey Through the Dive Bars of Nevada. Glossy pictures, clean prose, people’s first hand accounts. A travel book you’d find in an airport convenience store while you were getting some gum and possibly a travel pillow. Ginger leafed through it, as well, nodding at some of the pictures of Real Americans posing by scuffed pool tables or by jukeboxes that still played Sons of the Pioneers.

     “You see? It’s flattering yet honest. Good for business.”

     Ginger raised her black, black eyes and Jen about bolted. “We’re okay that way but sure, we got stories. Every place has stories.”

      The bartender, who had tossed her own two small daughters over the cliffs into the Snake River one windy night, went to collect the baskets from the two ghoul sisters.

     “I didn’t mean to insult,” Jen put her book back in her bag, her cheeks a bit red.

     “You didn’t. We’re just used to our own here. So, you want the rodeo story or the goddess one?”

     “Both and more, if possible. I might not use them all but I’ll still pay,” she offered me a huckster’s smile.

     We all heard the distinct whinny of a horse.

     Ginger went still. Mr. Harvey beamed at being here at the right place and the exact right time. Velma and Sadie hunkered down. Barry and Craig continued to knock balls around. They had no forgiveness coming for them and no mercy. The rules seemed arbitrary and strange but this wasn’t my district, if you know what I mean. Rules about death and salvation are different in different areas. There isn’t a nice cohesive plan in place that fits one and all. I might be a goddess yet, but I had no hand in the making of this world and no say in the rules that applied or not to a particular place or time. I was pretty low down in the food chain, to be utterly fucking honest.

     “Is that a horse?” Jen had to ask.

     “It’s ole Tom,” Ginger took the basket of medium burger with a slice of American cheese and fries to Jen, who salted the fries, checked out the limp lettuce, purple onion slice and pale green pickles that made up the veggies offered. No tomato but Ginger

hated them for some reason. No tomatoes were ever allowed near food on her nights to work the Spotted Horse. She set out ketchup and mustard squeeze bottles.

     This bar full of ghosts and ghouls and goddess, oh my, looked modern enough to casual eyes. Eating the burger might give you a few bad nights but that could be blamed on bar food or anything else but it wasn’t fit for humans to consume. God knows what Horace used for the meat patties, for instance.

     The metal door banged open. We all saw the white horse with the brown spots all over its rump standing by the dead locust tree, nosing at the dead cheat grass. A child sat atop

the beast, clutching the pommel. Wooly head, dark skin, small in size, some long ago orphan that met a bad fate one day. Now found, amen.

     Tom Smith stalked to the door, his boots loud on the wooden floor. He had a face for radio and a skinny runty body more suited for reality than Hollywood. Black eyes that had never needed glasses but he had died at thirty-eight.

     “Whiskey,” he told Ginger before turning to Jen Reece, who had her phone out, ready to snap pictures. I noticed her eyeing the little wonder machine but the camera part would work just fine, except she’d see nothing but a black rectangle if she tried to share them with anyone.

     “What are you doing here? You’re human.” He sniffed the air, opened his mouth wide to get her full scent as she tried not to choke on her mouthful of burger.

     “I’m a writer,” Jen told Tom Smith, who looked at me.

     I nodded, shrugged. What else could I do?

     “I got one. He wants potato soup. You got any of that? I don’t know what they have further on down the line.” Tom laughed, slapped his leg, his glee like hearing rocks against a metal plow blade. “Just crying and wanting some potato soup as I dug him up. I remember how hot it was that day. Nevada. Been a long trip.”


     Tom turned on our guest and only human. Those black eyes all but spun. “I dug him up, honey. I buried him proper back in the day. Broke his neck clean, buried him. Now I got to dig them all up and bring em home, so to speak. It ain’t like home at all, the angel told me. It’s something else unknown, like a star or love. Aint’ nobody knows what love is. What are you doing here?”

     Jen reached in her bag, brought out a notebook. Just a three-ring binder. She found a pen, opened up that notebook, began writing. Old-fashioned as hell itself. Tom sat right by her, practically in her lap so he could read what she scribbled. Jen tried to pretend she was not bothered by some strange man practically trying to get her pregnant but she was. Her cheeks turned bright red, her eyes rolled to me, to Ginger for help in that way women ask other women to assist them against whatever man is bothering them.

     “I’m just, uh, taking down some stories. You yanking my chain or what, mister?” She closed her notebook but left it where she could grab it. “I don’t mind. It makes for a funny blurb. I write travel books and I have a blog and a podcast. About road trips I take. I love your horse.”

     “Tom,” Ginger indicated he should leave the human alone. Tom grinned with his yellow teeth on display. But he did sit between me and Jen, waiting for his whiskey and Jen relaxed a teeny bit, now that he wasn’t almost draped across her lap.

     The child he had dug up wandered into the Spotted Horse, rubbing at his dark eyes with dirty fists. “They have that soup, mister? I’m awful hungry.”

     I saw Jen turn pale now as she stared at the child, which had a real transparent look to him. She got a picture of the child, the snick made extra loud in the near silence. Of course I made sure the pic would be blank when she tried to show it to others. It’s how I made sure the Spotted Horse stayed hidden.

     My little tricks.

     “I got potato soup here,” Horace said and dipped out a bowlful, which Ginger set on a table near the ghouls. “Maybe some milk?”

     “I’d sure appreciate that,” said the polite little ghost child.

     “What is going on here?” I heard Jen whisper. Tom turned to her, never one to honor space or that folks often just did not want to talk to him.

     “Death. Life. Soup,” he answered, laughing so hard the dust flew up.

     Horace took the child a glass of milk. He glanced at me to see which way the wind would blow tonight.

     “Death,” I whispered and Tom laughed harder but I nearly always chose death. It was just more fun for everyone.

     The already damned don’t care about new crimes and sins.

     “Give me a reason to mop the floor,” Ginger flexed her fingers.

     “Fresh liver,” said Velma, smacking her lips. Sadie drooled.

     “The last one was last year,” Craig opined as Barry racked the balls for another game. But they both nodded, promising to join in.

     Jen Reece, California-born, writer for slick travel crap, slid off her stool. She rightly read the room. Her eyes hit that door, before returning to me. Her smile had the sincerity of a lioness toward a newborn gazelle. “I guess I can come back. I have a long drive to Burns ahead of me. I got a reservation. I didn’t even think this place existed, it was a snipe hunt or something, you know? Okay!”

     She tried to reach the door before shit hit the fan. The child ate soup and drank milk, watching all this with bright, curious eyes. He had been dead, in the ground, waiting to go somewhere else. He had no dog in this hunt, if you will and being a child, no conscience at all.

     Tom got there before her.

     Jen stopped before she crashed into him. The Spotted Horse had no back door. Her hand fumbled into her Prada bag, the color of overly ripe lemons. She held out a large copper cross studded with turquoise. Real turquoise that almost hurt the eye being so blue and gorgeous. Tom stepped to the side as she waved it at him, as if he were some sort of movie vampire. She waved it at me, but I had not left my seat. She waved it at Craig and Barry, at Velma and Sadie and Ginger and Mr. Harvey, who never participated in the killing orgies. Not once, not even one time. She waved it toward Horace, who sometimes took some raw skin to chew on but otherwise remained aloof.

     I think we all turned into stunned statues. Not a single time had someone waved a too-large decorative cross at us, hissing under her breath the Lord’s Prayer. A sort of Catholic meets Protestant moment. It shocked as well impressed us all, in a way. Anyone crazy enough to flash a useless bit of jewelry at us, while expecting us to melt or whatever, had our undivided admiration for a hot second. As well as our blessings toward whatever life they wished yet to live.

     Jen got to the door, got it open, her eyes bouncing around the room, that cross held out in her shaking hand. Out she got but Spot got her. We all heard Tom Smith’s beloved horse get a good kick in before Jen got into whatever vehicle she had brought here. The thud of hooves against metal, the scream of that engine, the scratch of tires against the gravel of the driveway.

     Tom dared open that door wide, so we could all see Spot still kicking and fussing, still hear the screech of the engine as Jen escaped.

     He calmed his beloved, the horse puffing and blowing as it rested the long roman-nosed face over Tom’s shoulder.

     “I hope she comes back,” Ginger said, and pulled out Jen’s wallet from under the counter. We all started laughing; we had fun, ate food, spoke of the old days and carried on until morning. The ghosts faded, Tom took his found child to the meeting spot and I walked home. I fed my rabbits and collected eggs from my black hens before I lay down to sleep. I might venture over to Burns to see if Jen would be there but that was a mighty long walk to further torment some Californian. Might be better to let the Oregonians have a go at her, and hear the exaggerated stories later on from the inhabitants at the Wall of Whiskey, yet another place like my beloved Spotted Horse. You could find it out near Riley, Oregon if you knew where to look. I’d have to go alone, but sometimes you have to when you want to know the rest of a tale. You have to go seek it out, sometimes on foot, and return home much later than you wanted.

California Coast

Oh my, got a new job. In Special Ed. Been there less than a week.

Quit the hotel job, had my last shift Monday. A truly hellacious set of days and am glad it’s over, over, and yeah, over. Mountains of laundry to a staff being harassed to the point where they had to barricade themselves in the office and general what-the-fuckery that I am not going to miss.

The weather, you ask? Oh, it’s tryin’ to snow.

What’s that? The dryer and water heater went on the same damn day?? Yeah. Yeah, that happened.

Rejections flying in like rabid bats on meth? Sure! It’s very disheartening. I need to throw away the stories that keep getting rejected and start afresh. Is that the answer? Sigh.

The candle I got, on sale!! is called California Coast. It’s a refreshing scent. Not anywhere near what the actual coast smells like [bitter salt and burned tourist skin] but hey, candle. Yes, I am one of THOSE PEOPLE. I luv luv luv candles. If you need to get me a gift, for whatever reason, get me a smelly candle. I like flower, fruit and Christmas stenches. But, really, would be happy with any candle.

I’ve been ordering clothes. Funky tops and funky pants. I also got a bag of costume jewelry and hey, total delight as I went through the items. Reminded me of stuff my grandmother wore. Both of them, actually. I still have a necklace apiece from both. A long string of jet glass beads and a long four strand of plastic yellow beads. Nothing fancy or museum-worthy but a link to a past that lives mostly in my memory…priceless. Ah!

It’s nearly March.

And then Easter. I do have lots of stuffed bunnies and now, stuffed flamingos. I seem to be collecting flamingos now. I think I just like the pink color.

I even bought a hot pink 50’s era necklace from the thrift store today. It’s very Doris Day. I do love Doris Day movies, if that helps or explains anything.

I’m going to try and start writing again. I am just exhausted and wrung out and blank upstairs. I did finish a rough draft of a story set in Eugene, Oregon. No zombies but it does have an imaginary dog in it. It’s rather sweet and hopeful…so not like me at all. I might start writing nice, sweet stuff, see how that goes. I am finding hope and light rather lacking of late.

Oh! What do you call baby tater tots?

Give up????!!!!


That was the joke told during morning announcements at the high school I work at now. Bwhwhahahahah!!! I laughed when I heard it. Sophisticated, subtle humor, no way! Corny dad jokes? Yes, please!

Heart Month


It’s the month of hearts, flowers and candy. And groundhogs. Hurrah! Huzzah! Yippee kay ay, mofos!

I am sick and should probably wait until unsick to write anything here.

Got a new job. I think. They need to send me an email. Ugh!

My dad goes in for surgery today. His hip. The bones are rubbing together. Painful, true. He can barely walk and has been suffering for over a year with this. He had to get his teeth fixed first before they’d cut him open. He’s going to go through some things, is my take.

You can find hot/cold compresses in with the first aid stuff, btw.

Got some new live mousetraps. They are baller! I’m either catching the same mice over and over or they’re really working. Just a tube, with a very simple trapdoor and the bait is behind a wall with tiny holes so they can’t eat the bait and not get caught, like the other live trap I have. I do hate killing mice in my rapidly declining latter years.

Not much to report writer-wise. Lots of rejections. Either need to toss some stories or utterly gut them, redo them, rename them, erase former versions entirely.

That’s about it for now. Sick, new job, writing a tiny bit in these WTF times.

Waiting for 2024

So, yeah. Am done with this year already. Just a big ole nope.

Might be the 16 degrees [F] outside or might just be me.

Rejections galore. Work is draining my batteries far faster than I can recharge and generally, just a mental feeling that none of this is worth it.

Eating guacamole off my fingers with the promise, to myself, I’ll eat an apple because healthy something something.

My cat is doing well. There. Something positive.

Oh, am tentatively researching Wyoming for a possible sequel to a novel no one’s read yet, let alone gone through looking for grievous errors.

Rewriting several short stories but am not sure I am helping so much as making them even more not publishable. Sigh.

Head is as empty as my rotting gourds sitting out on the giant wooden spool beneath the apple trees. I do plan to try and turn them into bird houses. I do have plans and schemes that way.

The world grinds onward and I want to go to hell already. Is that so bad?

Trying to make light of my depression so it gets confused. Hope it works.

Hello, New Year

Well, howdy 2023. What is up? Are you gonna be slapping us around like 2022 did? Huh? Are ya??

It’s been raining here. Raining. When not snowing, sleeting, foggy or raining.

You know, January weather.

Rejections flying in like dead birds thrown at already broken windows. Yeee haaaaa.

My cat is a sleek, complaining rascal. She sniffs at her food bowls and resigns herself to snack a bit, after pitiful calls for the ‘good stuff’. She enjoys meowing until someone lets her out the front or back door, so she can zoom about to my window, let herself in and have another go at getting someone to let her out a door so she can zoom about outside a bit before returning inside for a nap or several. She is, in other words, a total cat.

My country is, um. An embarrassment? A total eye-rolling puke-inducing stench lately? I should get my passport renewed and get the hell out for several years until it falls or somehow rights itself a bit? Haven’t looked at those teaching abroad jobs lately…

I got myself a pair of avocado platform boots. Because I had to. The compulsion to get them WOULD NOT GO AWAY. You see something wildly not suited to your lifestyle and work needs, and yet, you MUST HAVE IT. I was haunted by these damn boots for months. Such a high heel but it’s a platform, so that negates the heel height. I can do shoe math.

I resisted. I resisted so hard! No, okay, I didn’t. I finally succumbed. They were out of the size I wanted– a size over my actual size 8 because I have wide feet and sometimes things like, oh, boots, don’t fit. And yet…these fit. They fit. Oh. Oh! Anyone not a shoe fanatic will not understand but those that do…! You get me. You feel me. You know.

Writing? Oh that. I am…sure. I’m writing. I feel defensive writing this! My mind seems tired and utterly smooth of ideas and notions about plot, character, setting, genre and theme. Should I attempt a steampunk splattergore sci-fi western set on a planet a thousand years in the past? Should I be pushing out female-only stories that deal with political issues oddly parallel to our interesting times yet no actual real world stuff happens because it might trigger a slush reader and my story won’t pass muster and the rejection will say I need sensitivity schooled and…? Should I just write cute poems about elves in my patch of sage that persists in surviving no matter what? Or write essays about man’s inhumanity toward everything ever?

I don’t know!

I go over what’s acceptable and not for a story and…yeah, I get it but sometimes, when you live in, oh, say a rural place full of people convinced the government under Biden is about to round them up for CRT-re-education camps and about to geld the local kids…well. Yeah.

I went to lunch with a friend the other day. He was spooked to be out. It was in our mutual home town. He was afraid to say stuff because he’s gotten death threats because he’s, you know, a liberal. And a pacifist and very vocal, in the past, about everything wrong with home town. The local crank, in other words. And these days, the handful of liberals in a small, very conservative town might end up shot to death or run over or hurt in some way.

So, I have to shake my head over some of the restrictions placed on what can be in a story. Or just send that story anyway, with the trigger warning. But I do understand why the list is in place, when you see the rising crimes and vicious hatred directed at marginalized groups.


Back to 70’s era platform boots or what?

Had to. Look at them!!!