Pudding Brain

from Jamie Oliver.

I find that I don’t wish to write. At all. Opening a file is just a damn chore, let alone trying to string words together into some sort of coherent whole. Advancing dementia, perhaps? Getting old? Tired of trying to ignore the world’s indifference to anything I produce? Eh, ugh, bruh.

I have nothing to say. My rage seems oddly absent. I’m just tired. Do I need rage to write cute stories about cats? No, but it helps. Anger gets shit done, to quote from American Gods over on Starz.

I’m still in end of the year mode, maybe?

Where you just want to clean out closets and boxes, throw stuff away, in preparation for spring cleaning. Where you clean out closets and boxes, throw stuff away…I have a real need right now to just toss whatever I have left in the nearest burn barrel and light a match. Then take a picture of that. To post on social media. Proclaiming I am done now. I am done with all this.

That can’t be healthy.

I can’t cash my final check anyway. I have a cat. She just got fixed and had her shots. I can’t burn everything of mine just yet. Right? That’s why we have pets. They keep us from succumbing. To whatever. Which is entirely selfish.

I can’t keep my mind on anything I actually need to get done more than three seconds.

Write a list, pin it where I can see it. You can do X when you get Y amount of pages done or edited.

Simple goals. Make it five pages. Five good pages. The bestest pages ever!

So, the cat is now fixed, with her shots. My brain seems to be made of pudding.

It’s only January.

If I ignore American politics right now, I can…huh. I can’t pretend that hard. Probably why I have pudding brain. I suspect there’s a bit of a link there.

Okay, just hold on until it’s time to pick out herbs for the garden this year. If I try pumpkins…I can’t. It breaks my heart when the bugs arrive to turn my plants into a cholera ward. Basil and dill and lavender and oregano and thyme! Chives? Parsley?

By November it will all be [over]. Right? Sort of? Political stumping never ends in America…it never ends. Pudding brain!

So! Must force self to focus a bit to get some pages done. That’s it. That’s my life goal right now.

Oh hey, what’s Fortnite?


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