Everything old is new again

 

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The Owyhees. Eastern Oregon

I wrote something snarky about the events of last weekend. The murder of Heather Heyer, the POS POTUS who still has  a big grin and a hard-on for white supremacists and how this is America; we’ve just been hiding it better some years.

But honestly.

Instead…I’m tired. It’s August. The eclipse is nigh. It rained yesterday. It never rains here so that perked me up. Storms, weather, wind and rain and snow, yes, please. I don’t live in a place like Tornado Alley or Hurricane Way or Big Awful Storms Every Other Day place so rain in the high desert is welcomed. What happened in Charlottesville devastates me. We were supposed to be over this shit by now. We were supposed to be moving forward, not exploring what it felt like during actual race riots and World War II fistfights. Everything old is new again should not apply to…oh fuck.

I watched a Dodge plow into pedestrians. It got splashed all over social media. You saw the car reverse and a red tennis shoe fell away from the bumper. And people died, there were three deaths and numerous injuries from one guy driving a car into others. It’s a terrorist attack, it’s supposed to make us terrified to resist, to speak out, to do something or do anything against those in the KKK, involved in the Aryan Nations, involved in the Alt-Right circle-jerks, involved in anything that smacks of white power or white nationalism. And yet…a bit of light and hope because people are speaking out, doing something, denouncing this…45 was quicker to jump down Alec Baldwin’s throat than Richard Spencer’s or Jason Kessler’s. He has yet to denounce the white pride groups that adore him. That the White House had to keep ‘clarifying’ tells me this is another PR blunder for those in power, not an actual moment when they need to stop stumping for votes.

And I actually despair watching people wait for that actual ‘White Supremacists are bad hombres’  to happen. Haven’t you figured out who this fuckweed is by now, my dears? He’s not going to go after those who adore him and praise him and call him strong. Any more than he’d cut off his hands. I despair at people crying out for something to get done about all this.

Because sooner or later, we the people are going to have to ‘do something’ about all this. Beyond maybe voting in the next election, that is. And that’s where I see darkness and dragons. I want so badly to naively believe that ‘love will win in the end’. I don’t think it will, at this stage in my life. I, too, waited for the current president to denounce all this happening on American soil to fellow Americans. I waited like a dope.

I waited. I knew better.

And I waited.

I don’t know what’s going to happen now in my country. Or my life, for that matter. I am just trying to make it through each day, with some sanity intact. I try to write and not cut my wrists most days. That’s about all I can do. I can’t find clever words for all this vomit and shit and actual dried blood on metal at the moment. This vomit, this shit, this dried blood on metal that is America right now and…

It’s August and yesterday it rained.

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