PART ONE:JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE USA, FOLKS
So, on the very date, back in 1948, Truman integrated US military forces…45 declares, via some fucking Tweets, that transgender folks can no longer serve in any capacity in the military.
Now, I just. Yeah. Uh.
Granted, there are some MAJOR SCANDALS AND TREASONOUS CRAP going on right now involving the Orange Clownstick of Fuckistan. Russia, for one, interfering in our election.
Allegedly, a’course. Pootie denies he allowed an army of trolls loose on our gullible ‘murikkans and Pootie never lies or kills journalists. Pootie also never headed the KGB. Nope! Pootie-Putin, sorry if I confused anyone.
Mueller and that onrushing crush of lawyers, testifying about who met with whom and if they spoke with a Russian accent, blah blah blah. Sessions now being told to stay put by the very people who told him to get his ass back to the antebellum South or wherever he actually slithered from. The Racist Elfboy is publicly ‘feudin’ with Clownstick, which is…probably another distraction. I’m losing track of which distraction I’m supposed to ignore and which distraction I need to like/hate on FB, or retweet/click that heart thing over on Twitter.
PART TWO: FROM A DISTANCE
Jesus in a Toyota Corolla, this would be such an entertaining shitshow if viewed from the comfort/nice coffee house or friendly local bar/pub/place where they serve adult beverages… of a stable, modern country not trying to turn back time. Watching from a safe nice distance as some laughably now-awful country [USA! USA!] tries to hide emerging acts of treason beneath blatantly obvious LOOK OVER HERE FUCKERS tactics. An actual, in your face, public attempt at setting up a dictatorship. In the land of democracy, apple pie and some other ‘murican stuff. [USA! USA!]
PART THREE: MEMES, MEMES EVERYWHERE
People have invoked the Handmaid’s Tale, Orwell’s 1984, uh…some other grim, humorless takes on what happens when it’s a very one-sided government. Just look at the memes, my dears! MEMES ARE EVERYWHERE.
With quotes on them! Dire, sour, clinical quotes lifted from dire, sour literature and reduced down for quick, indignant consumption. You can look them up yourself, of course. Listing them here will just bloat my already bloated ranty rant.
[Some are very accurate, so don’t get your long johns or pettipants in a roar, dears. See what I did there?] Oh– women, I read, in dealing with their Monthly Curse, way back when in olden times, the Victorian Age, for instance, might have just bled into their clothes. Yeah. We’ve come a long way, baby! Where was I?? Oh, memes and such and indignant quote mining.
PART FOUR: HISTORY? TURN BACK TIME?
As if…we’ve all failed history or never even heard of history. Gee, what happens when a single party rules an entire country, kids? What happens when that single party set of control freaks starts stripping rights from all others not in their special He-man Woman-Hater’s group? What happens when…??? Anyone? Anyone? Do I really have to write the names of those who took batcrap crazy to new and murder large swathes of people heights? Is your Google broken? Or your fucking brain?
Do I really have to write that shit gets bad, fast? Really?
Oh it can’t happen in America! We have checks and balances! Someone else, not me, will put a stop to that. I’m woke!
BWHAHA HA HA HA HA.
That’s my evil laughter, by the way. I produce it in my lower chest voice. Some people do that evil laughter with the M sound starting them off down the road of twirly mustache, maiden tied to train tracks evilness.
Nope. I’ll focus on Clownstick and the current GOP agenda to turn back time to some mystical man-only world where women existed to serve sammiches and make babies for wars.
Where there were no gay folks or transgender peeps or minorities OF ANY KIND trying to get all uppity. Where, yep, people knew their places. And they were happy in those places!
There were no single moms. Or women over thirty. No sluts or whores trying to get their lifestyle legitimized. Marches for rights were nice and sweet and that nice Dr. King never got in trouble. Schools didn’t teach that bad science stuff like evolution or that your gender is whatever you decide it is that day. People understood their place! Sob!! [Flag waves in the gentle breeze as Lee Greenwood’s God Bless the USA throbs from the speakers and orgasms in the ears of all red-blooded patriotic sorts before they settle in to watch an evening of bull riding, tractor pulling and Jeff Dunham’s puppets repeating easy to digest glurbs of comical gems.]
Hey, I’ve written something like the above before…that Glorious ‘murican Past where men ruled the roost and everyone else knew to suck it up and just let those manly men get on with it. Huh. Mm. My CD must b skipping today. My record has a scratch. Tee hee.
PART FIVE: POST-RACIST AMERICA ANY DAY NOW, DARLINGS AND DEARIES!
Yeah. I keep hearing this is the last gasp of that generation of overprivileged racist sexist knuckle-dragging sadsacks. Um. You sure about that, dears? Cause boy oh boy, is that same sentiment– whites only, shut up and go away the rest of you– quite strong in the younger set. That doesn’t dissipate. It goes underground and hibernates and waits for White Spring. [I’m blurbing about America’s history of blatant racism and then the poorly not hidden really at all attempts to include those ‘others’ into the American fold.] That prejudice and hatred, it hangs on, like mold. Like ingrained, never gonna Lysol that crap away mold. That ‘nationalism’ goes into burrows and lairs, then surges up when it gets the least itty bitty little chance, hello. History, anyone? Ugh. That’s right, history is a liberal plot to make us all turn into social justice wariors who hate Jesus and coal miners.
PART SIX: CLOWNSTICK VON PUMPKINCUNT
I’m looking at the reason Clownstick Von Pumpkincunt gives for banning transgender folks from serving in the US military. Vague medical twistings about how you can’t be transitioning and fire weapons or something. That transgender folks cause morale problems and disciplinary risks. That people just join the armed forces to get the military to pay for ‘the operation’. Which, apparently, will and does cost the military BAZILLIONS OF BUCKS. Ugh? I think every vague prejudice against transgender anyone was trotted out in that series of tweets. And people are nodding along to it, going, yeah, we need to…ugh. If people can be kept out for a skin mole, then sure, yeah, we should totally, like, ban all those people from serving. Cause, MAGA. LOL.
There are already transgender folks serving, RIGHT NOW, in the military, in all capacities. So. That came up, too. What about those serving honorably and what will happen to them now? Do they lose all their benefits and rank and…? Will they be discharged and…? Does this blanket ban get a vote in Congress??
I get it, Pumpkincunt is super-jealous of Obama, who made it okay for transgender folks to serve openly in the military. So, Pumpkincunt and probably Pence the Secret Masturbating Wunderkind Who Gets Off to Tiny Animals Being Stomped to Death by Jesus, went after an actual step forward in declaring All Lives Matter. By stating, no, no, your life and your right to serve your country does not matter because I hate Obama who is more bigly popular than me and I should get all the love and my crowd size is super-huge and I grabbed pussy and she liked it! It’s just locker room talk, boy scouts. And did I tell ya about that orgy my friend had with young teenage girls that the animals we let in, disguised as humans, want to rip apart? Settle in, boy scouts! Settle in!
I feel like I need a shower today. I just had one, I feel the constant filthy tides in ‘murica right now lapping at my hairy calves and I just want to…scrape my fingernails across my skin until the dirt comes off. Even if I start bleeding. Which is gross, right, gentlemen? Girls, blood, eh, gross me out the door!
PART SEVEN: NEARING THE END, MY FRIEND.
So, to end this weird, wandering diatribe– what the actual fuck is happening to my country? I keep asking that. I was never afraid and angry all the time under the Bushes or even Reagan. That’s right, I remember Papa Raygunz and how scared we all were that batshit crazy grinner was gonna start a nuclear fuckwar with…yeah, the USSR. He’d fall asleep with a mouthful of jelly beans and push THE BUTTON. The Day After, anyone remember that TV movie? Red Dawn? I’m sure there were other macho Hollywood movies about what would happen if THEY invaded US and we HAD TO FIGHT BACK.
But I never actually believed ole Batshit Crazy Raygunz would, um, destroy us all and talk about his dick size while he did so. You know he was hung like an elephant. [Ha ha, feeble GOP shoutout. Ha ha…sigh.] Oh crap, now I have a mind movie playing Nancy-Just Say No-Reagan playing hide the sausage with Mr. Teflon. [He was called the Teflon President as nothing stuck to him. Everyone around him got charged, indicted, smeared in public, but he escaped, more or less, all that fun. Iran-Contra, etc. Yep.]
I never thought Bush Daddy or Bush Junior would actually destroy us while waving a flag and talking about their crowd sizes and why Hilary Clinton needs to be investigated for Pizzagate. [Before Pizzagate had been invented by Alex Jones, of course. I was trying to tie the Bushes to Pumpkincunt for a slight comedic hyperbole effect. Okay!] I thought, and still do, they were not the best presidents but that they actually did give a care, at times, for others not in their pockets. They had manners and a basic public dignity to them. [Am I putting on some rose-colored glasses here because the present fuckstick shitting itself in public in the White House is just such a clusterfuck? I’m going with yes.]
Stripping entire groups of this, that, the other…is not the way to govern. It’s never been the way to govern. Do I really have to write that down? Going after a tiny minority group– less than or about 1% of the population– and accusing that group of bloating the military costs…um. Yeah. I. Well. Um. Fuck. It’s rather like LBJ signing the Civil Rights Act and then Nixon coming along and un-signing it. Something like that. Yeah, makes me wish, all over again, that I could watch this from a foreign shore and laugh my ass off at those Krazy Amerikkkans ripping their country to shreds out of pettiness, jealousy, ignorance, masculine vapors and every day common ole spite. All righty, what next in the ‘Distract Those Motherfuckers So We Get Away With This’ collection of tweets? I know!! Women don’t need to vote. It also raises the costs in our military [according to Jesus-Stroking Pence and the ICR institute] and they should be home taking care of all the kids they’re not allowed to abort because of ‘safety’ concerns [TRAP laws, bwha ha ha ha].
Make America Manly Again. Woot Woot.
“Annual military spending on Viagra: $41.6 million Cialis: $22.8 million Trans medical care: $8.4 million… ”